Barking Chain.
I have a really hard time telling my dog to quiet down at night.
It's not because he's a disobedient dog. Generally he listens, comes back into the garage and tilts his head at me, cocking his floppy ears until he's been properly scolded and then managing to look humble until I give in and scratch his head for a bit.
Nor is it because I think animals will be animals, and it's impossible to train them to behave themselves when the moon is high and the night is in full swing.
Rather... it's because of the Barking Chain.
I know you know what I'm talking about. The chain of communication from dog to dog. The method of messaging used in 101 Dalmatians (yes, the cartoon version).
I have a severe fear of interrupting some important missive, of creating the dead link in this game of telephone. There could be puppies on the line-- a hundred and one of them!-- and I am the idiot woman who tears out of bed at three AM to haul her dog inside by his collar, admonishing him to shut up because some people have to work in the morning you know. Timmy could be stuck down the well, and I would be standing in my backyard in a tanktop and boxer shorts, hissing at my dog to stop waking up the whole neighborhood.
But I tell you this. You can rest assured that these dogs know that I know about the Barking Chain. They know that I am reluctant to quiet them down. I'm pretty sure they're just shooting the breeze sometimes, and I'd never know the difference, laying in bed with the pillows over my ears.
There is one dog on my street that absolutely abuses the Barking Chain, and I just know it. She's the friend that phones you, crying, in the middle of a date to tell you that she had the worst day... and then proceeds to tell you about how you just won't believe how rude her hairdresser was and how she ran into that skanky ho from the club last night, the one with the bad tan, and how her ex-boyfriend from sixth grade doesn't think she's pretty anymore... you know the type.
Someone needs to explain to this dog that the Barking Chain is for emergencies only. Someday there will truly be puppies on the line, and this dog will be the one that cried wolf. Puppies could die because of her, and she'll be trying to pass along the message, and you just know there's going to be some sassy little black labrador somewhere that's like, "Oh, that? That's just Shanae-nae. She such a drama queen."
It's not because he's a disobedient dog. Generally he listens, comes back into the garage and tilts his head at me, cocking his floppy ears until he's been properly scolded and then managing to look humble until I give in and scratch his head for a bit.
Nor is it because I think animals will be animals, and it's impossible to train them to behave themselves when the moon is high and the night is in full swing.
Rather... it's because of the Barking Chain.
I know you know what I'm talking about. The chain of communication from dog to dog. The method of messaging used in 101 Dalmatians (yes, the cartoon version).
I have a severe fear of interrupting some important missive, of creating the dead link in this game of telephone. There could be puppies on the line-- a hundred and one of them!-- and I am the idiot woman who tears out of bed at three AM to haul her dog inside by his collar, admonishing him to shut up because some people have to work in the morning you know. Timmy could be stuck down the well, and I would be standing in my backyard in a tanktop and boxer shorts, hissing at my dog to stop waking up the whole neighborhood.
But I tell you this. You can rest assured that these dogs know that I know about the Barking Chain. They know that I am reluctant to quiet them down. I'm pretty sure they're just shooting the breeze sometimes, and I'd never know the difference, laying in bed with the pillows over my ears.
There is one dog on my street that absolutely abuses the Barking Chain, and I just know it. She's the friend that phones you, crying, in the middle of a date to tell you that she had the worst day... and then proceeds to tell you about how you just won't believe how rude her hairdresser was and how she ran into that skanky ho from the club last night, the one with the bad tan, and how her ex-boyfriend from sixth grade doesn't think she's pretty anymore... you know the type.
Someone needs to explain to this dog that the Barking Chain is for emergencies only. Someday there will truly be puppies on the line, and this dog will be the one that cried wolf. Puppies could die because of her, and she'll be trying to pass along the message, and you just know there's going to be some sassy little black labrador somewhere that's like, "Oh, that? That's just Shanae-nae. She such a drama queen."
2 Comments:
::HUGGLES::
I LOVE YOU!
That is the most fantastic thing I've ever heard. Oh, the dog next door abuses the chain as well.... SHUT UP CHOMPER..
What a fat-nastic post.
I know you dont know me, but I totally understand the barking chain, and have probably broken it many times myself.
You are awesome. I read you blog every day. I wish I was you.
Oh, and the word FAT-NASTIC is my word. Just FYI. ::wishing i was cool::
You rock my world.
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